Only 100

2008-04-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

The Mist

2007
Directed by Frank Darabont
Starring Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden

The Mist has been somewhat divisive. Some consider it a high-mark of recent horror; others find it to be on par with the Sci-Fi Channel's original movies. I hate it, personally. The premise of a group of people defending a supermarket from an alien mist is promising but The Mist misses completely. It's not long before the horrid acting, terrible CGI, and one-dimensional, stereotypical characters sink the ship. What really bothers me, though, is the heavy-handed, self-righteous message that is presented so unrealistically as to be entirely meaningless. Toss in some groan-inducing religious yap and voilà, a thoroughly unbearable movie.

2008-04-06T02:22:00.000-07:00

The Lost Boys

1987
Directed by Joel Schumacher
Starring Corey Haim, Jason Patric, Kiefer Sutherland

Some people think the 80s were radically tubular and some people think that, regarding pop culture, they were the worst ten years ever. I'm wholly committed to the second camp, so my feelings about The Lost Boys and its bodacious vampire sensibilities should be fairy clear. I hate: how cool the movie tries to be, the Coreys, the humor, the stupid one-liners, the fact that there are some brothers name "Edgar" and "Alan", and even that guy who performs a shirtless sax solo. It's completely watchable and the special effects are decent, but I cannot support something so disgustingly "80s".

2008-04-01T02:33:00.000-07:00

Into Great Silence

2005
Directed by Philip Gröning
Starring monks

Into Great Silence is a minimalist documentary that records the lives of a reclusive group of French monks. The mystique of monasticism deserves a thorough examination that simply isn't offered here. Groning seems primarily concerned with long, silent, artful shots and an absolute vacuum of information. There's no narrative, no score, no insight, no nothing except for monks praying, eating, chanting, walking around, so on. The documentary seems to want viewers to experience the tranquility and ritual involved with monkhood rather than, say, learn anything about it. That's nice, but it makes for a unbelievably dull and monotonous 2.5 hours.

Hey, I kept my word!

2008-03-22T01:07:00.001-07:00

I'll be taking a break for the remainder of March.

2008-02-02T03:19:00.000-08:00

Zombi 2
(a.k.a. Zombie)

1979
Directed by Lucio Fulci
Starring Tisa Farrow, Ian McCulloch, Richard Johnson

Zombies on a tropical island, people in peril, all you need to know. The misleadingly titled Zombi 2 is a slow, straight-ahead zombie movie that never quite gets rolling. Aside from two indisputably classic scenes (zombie vs. shark and eye vs. splinter) the movie is mostly dead air spent waiting for some zombies to actually show up. There's minimal serious focus on anything other than gore, but very little of it materializes. When the undead finally arrive, it's passable (particularly the make-up), just too little too late. It's mostly wasted potential, just watch this scene and you're good to go.

2008-01-18T23:07:00.000-08:00

House Of 1,000 Corpses

2003
Directed by Rob Zombie
Starring Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon Zombie, Karen Black

House Of 1,000 Corpses, Rob Zombie's directorial debut, shows a love of thinly-plotted gorefests and slasher pics of decades past, but is bogged down by very glaring, fundamental flaws. Never mind that the point of the movie is to watch the road-tripping 20-somethings get hacked up by freaks, there's a blatant mismanagement of character and focal points. We're given no reason to like or empathize with the villains, yet they have center stage (this was corrected in The Devil's Rejects). The story's universe is constantly changing and there's never much reason to the grisly rhyme. Clearly ambitious, but entirely unpleasant.

2007-12-18T19:44:00.000-08:00

The Great Happiness Space:
Tale Of An Osaka Love Thief

2006
Directed by Jake Clennell
Starring Issei, host boys, and emotionally wrecked women

The Great Happiness Space unveils a seedy aspect of the Osaka nightlife: clubs entirely devoted to providing women with companionship. Young, charismatic "host boys" entice sensible-looking women and entertain them at exorbitant fees. Not quite prostitution, women essentially pay for a fraudulent, unsustainable relationship. The male employees consider it purely a business transaction, openly admitting to disliking some clients. The women (far from saintly themselves) seek serious commitments, sometimes even marriage. All of the people highlighted in the documentary are unimaginably broken emotionally; the guys can't form lasting bonds and the girls are irredeemably dependent. It's equally fascinating and tragic.

2007-12-10T10:33:00.000-08:00

Superbad

2007
Directed by Greg Mottola
Starring Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Superbad really feels like two separate movies; there's a "let's go party" story that maturely addresses friendship and then there's an over-the-top, off-putting story about some wacky cops. I really enjoyed the scenes dealing with the two main characters' friendship, but generally disliked any of the hi-jinks with the police. The latter scenes were of an ill-fitting brand of comedy and harshly clashed with any realism. The dialogue is consistently strong but the situational writing is lame and forced. I wouldn't discourage anyone from seeing it, but it just didn't click for me. Great beginning and end, very forgettable middle.

2007-12-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

Paprika

2006
Directed by Satoshi Kon
Starring the stuff of dreams

Paprika caught everyone's interest with its fantastic trailer*, but the movie is all style and no substance. After a dream machine is created for therapeutic uses, crooked hands corrupt the technology, resulting in a dream leak that begins to affect the conscious world. The plot is ripe for inconsequential surrealism -- and there are heaps of vibrant, bizarre visuals -- but the development of story and characters is non-existent. The pro- and antagonists are fuzzy outlines, the half-baked story fails to engage, and the repetitive images eventually over-stay their welcome. It's A beautiful movie that offers little else, pretty disappointing.

* In retrospect, the trailer is really too good. It reveals way too much and the pace and excitement of the movie would never have been able to live up to it.

2007-11-29T03:03:00.000-08:00

Rescue Dawn

2007
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring Christian Bale, Steve Zahn, Jeremy Davies

I expected to love Rescue Dawn, as I greatly admire Herzog and I enjoyed the documentary that it's based on, but I'm left lukewarm. It's quite straightforward: pilot is shot down, taken prisoner, plans escape. The true story is very moving, but Herzog's undying adulation for Dieter Dengler becomes an issue. There's a troubling lack of doubt or tension, Dieter should be wearing a cape and tights. The latter scenes have many nice touches, but the early scenes are fairly predictable and forgettable. The devoted performances are notable, writing's iffy, but it's worth a look. Better story than movie, though.

2007-11-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

Fando Y Lis

1968
Directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky
Starring Sergio Kleiner and Diana Mariscal

Fando Y Lis is directed by the ever-interesting Alejandro Jodorowsky, but it's based on a nonsensical play by his buddy Fernando Arrabal, a man who mainly relies on meaningless, surreal shock value (which I hate). Fando and his paraplegic lady friend Lis wander around a canyon looking for the city of Tar. Throughout their journey they encounter bizarre characters and situations. There are blood-drinkers, transvestites, dominatrices, and probably some others I've blocked from memory. The story goes nowhere and seems to simply be a vessel of self-indulgence. I won't deny some moments of creativity, but it's a tedious, sloppy journey.

2007-11-14T18:47:00.000-08:00

28 Weeks Later

2007
Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Starring Don Harris, Imogen Poots, Rose Byrne

28 Weeks Later abandons the quaint, atmospheric nature of its predecessor and goes in the opposite direction; it's brash, unfocused, and wildly illogical. Months after the rage virus is contained and Britain begins reconstruction, an immune survivor/carrier pops up and jump-starts the whole cycle. Everything exists only to be cooler and more extreme than the original and very little works. Also, there are relatively few scenes of the infected and they're never particularly suspenseful (night vision scene aside). I mentally clocked out when an operating helicopter rotor was used as a weapon. Overall, it's technically impressive but pretty stupid.

2007-11-04T01:34:00.000-07:00

The Trial

1962
Directed by Orson Welles
Starring Anthony Perkins, Romy Schneider, Orson Welles

A man is awoken one morning by an investigator and subsequently arrested for an unnamed, unapparent crime. Unwilling to roll over for the totalitarian system, he takes it upon himself to find justice in the convoluted court. I found the story fairly difficult to follow, there are mounds of doubletalk and misdirection along with a distinct lack of information. It is, however, visually striking. Stylistically, it's somewhere between German Expressionism, French New Wave, and surrealism. There are a lot of bizarre, imaginative events dripping with oppression and paranoia. It's equally enthralling, memorable, and unrewarding. Great atmosphere, shaky storyline, mild recommendation.

2007-10-16T01:21:00.000-07:00

Gerry

2002
Directed by Gus Van Sant
Starring Matt Damon and Casey Affleck

Gerry is a defiantly boring movie. Two unprepared, ill-informed doofuses go wandering through the desert and get lost in the sparse, monotonous landscape. They walk around, become increasingly discombobulated, and then walk around some more. And some more. Completely minimalist, there's little dialogue, even less character development, and an unmistakable void of entertainment. With long, uneventful shots, the permeating sentiment seems to be, "Being lost in the desert is dull and grueling." Such precious insight, Gus. Sure, it looks nice, but the cinematography only goes so far. It's almost impressively lifeless and I just don't have the patience. Absolutely mind-numbing.

2007-10-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

Testament

1983
Directed by Lynne Littman
Starring Jane Alexander, Rossie Harris, Lukas Haas

Testament takes place after a nuclear attack on The United States. Rather than concentrate on global politics or war, it does something really nice: it focuses on a single family and how they cope with the tragedy. They worry about basic necessities while radiation sickness slowly eradicates their friends and neighbors. I love the exclusion of anything related to the bomb itself. There are very few hows or whys, just a simple, moving portrait of a family during disaster. It's solemn, believable, and powerful, but the small, personal touches really elevate the story. Be warned, though, it's a supreme bummer.

2007-10-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

Vampire Hunter D

1985
Directed by Toyoo Ashida and Carl Macek
Starring vampires and ghouls and stuff

Some 10,000 years in the future, a woman is attacked by a vampire and commissions a vampire hunter named D to destroy the aforementioned count. This was one of the earliest anime movies to cross the Pacific and I wish that I had the advantage of childhood nostalgia, but I don't. I never saw it when I was younger and it wasn't my introduction to anime, so I'm forced to judge it entirely as is. The animation is ancient, sloppy, and stylistically conventional. The action and characters are both decent, but it's all distractingly outdated. An important, but short-sighted, relic.

2007-10-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

Strange Circus

2005
Directed by Sion Sono
Starring Masumi Miyazaki, Issei Ishida, Rie Kuwana

Strange Circus is really just another psychological Japanese gross-out movie, but I admire its absolute commitment to the macabre material. The first part of the story concerns Mitsuko, a girl whose family is torn apart by her sexually abusive father and passive-aggressive mother. Then, there's Takeo, an author writing a similar story which may be rooted in personal experience (cue surreal twists). I find this sort of reality-shifting, interwoven style of storytelling forced and annoying, but it looks sharp, has some surprising twists, and features some creative bloodshed. The story is fearlessly extreme, but it's too overwritten to fully enjoy.

2007-10-01T17:41:00.000-07:00

Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer

1986
Directed by John McNaughton
Starring Michael Rooker, Tom Towles, Tracy Arnold

Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer is an infamously graphic horror film that's loosely based on the murderer Henry Lee Lucas. "Portrait" implies, to me, a full-bodied characterization, a thorough examination. Henry does not deliver in that arena, it loves the "how" but greatly ignores the "why". We're given a short "momma didn't love me" spiel and then Henry listlessly murders random women with his roommate. I find careless, explicit violence and gore to be generally uninteresting and they happen to be the heart of this movie. Michael Rooker's performance is chilling, but the story is ugly, excessive, and thoughtless.

2007-09-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

Knocked Up

2007
Directed by Judd Apatow
Starring Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl, Paul Rudd

Somewhere between sappy and boorish is Knocked Up, another romantic comedy from Judd Apatow. This time, trouble brews when a successful woman is unintentionally impregnated by a slacker slob. Like its predecessor The 40 Year Old Virgin, it's about thirty minutes too long and has a relatively weak, predictable story, finding the majority of its quality within the situations and quirky characters. It's not nearly as funny or charming as Virgin and the characters' emotional transitions are unconvincing, but it has good dialogue and a handful of strong comedic moments. It's a bumpy ride, but never a regrettable one.

Searching for "knocked up" on Google Images was just...unwise.

2007-09-26T00:36:00.000-07:00

A Boy And His Dog

1975
Directed by L.Q. Jones
Starring Don Johnson, Susanne Benton, Tim McIntire

A Boy And His Dog is a post-apocalyptic story with one peculiar twist: the dog is a demanding, sarcastic telepathist. The title duo wanders about a sandy wasteland searching for food and, more so, women. After finding a particularly willing lass, the boy is led to an unsettlingly sanitary underground society, where the movie switches gears and dies. Everything that made it interesting (the dog, desert, dirt, dread) is left above ground to create room for a predictable dystopian getaway tale. The absurd premise and creeping doom are excellent, then they're whisked away and forgotten. The potential is completely squandered.

Milestone: 300th review!

2007-09-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

Easy Rider

1969
Directed by Dennis Hopper
Starring Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, Jack Nicholson

I was born in 1986, so Easy Rider's 60s-sentiment of drugs and rebellion doesn't exactly speak to me, but I appreciate it as a cultural time capsule. As two free-spirited, high-as-kites bikers drift across the country towards Mardi Gras, they encounter a hippie commune, an ACLU lawyer and, most poignantly, people offended by their long hair and counter-culturism. This movie is an antique whose time has long-passed. It's much more about what it represents than what it explicitly shows, as I'm sure many people have complained that "nothing happens". Overall, a good, laid-back road-trip story with an emblematic cultural importance.

2007-09-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of weird hits here, stuff like "John Goodman movie featuring Scrabble" and "100 potential brides for Hitler", but I get an alarming number of hits from the search string "12 Angry Men logical fallacies". I'm talking a few hits a week for the past year and then some. I can assume that it's a college assignment; Introductory Logic, perhaps? But I'd like to know more. If you arrive here looking for logical fallacies in 12 Angry Men, please leave a comment about your school/class/assignment/whatever, I'm dying to know.

Sorry for not actually listing any logical fallacies, by the way, I hope you understand.

EDIT: Since I've written this post I've gotten a "12 Angry Men logical fallacies" hit. Leave an explanatory comment, please, PLEASE!

EDIT 2: Literally 6 out of the last 10 hits here are for this search. LEAVE A COMMENT I BEG OF YOU!

2007-09-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

7 Faces Of Dr. Lao

1964
Directed by George Pal
Starring Tony Randall, Arthur O'Connell, Barbara Eden

7 Faces Of Dr. Lao is a fantasy western about Dr. Lao, a Chinese mystic who brings his circus to a small town overrun with corruption. Really, though, it's an excuse for Tony Randall to strut his stuff in a number of diverse roles, from Dr. Lao to Medusa to Merlin. Randall does a decent enough job, but the movie drags significantly when he's off screen. The political angle is dull and predictable, leaving the range of fantastical circus creatures to pick up the slack. With good make-up, characters, and effects, it's a nice, light-hearted children's movie with substantial short-comings.

2007-09-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

The Warriors

1979
Directed by Walter Hill
Starring Michael Beck, James Remar, Deborah Van Valkenburgh

The Warriors is considerably better than I expected, both technically and stylistically. During a New York gang conference, The Warriors are framed for the assassination of Cyrus, a unifying warlord. Every gang, from The Baseball Furies to The Gramercy Riffs, wants to waste them as they trek back home to Coney Island. It's a simple chase movie with flamboyant characters, tight pacing, and a dreadful, heavy atmosphere. I love that back-story and elaboration are largely ignored in favor of highly focused action and snappy progression. The end result is a bare-knuckle, no-nonsense adventure that knows precisely where its strengths lie.

2007-09-12T02:54:00.000-07:00

Full Metal Jacket

1987
Directed by Stanley Kubrick
Starring Matthew Modine, Vincent D'Onofrio, R. Lee Ermey, Arliss Howard

More about dehumanization, transformation, and duality than Vietnam, Full Metal Jacket is still a distressing picture of war. The movie has a reputation of being very front-loaded but, while I can't disagree, I don't think it detracts from the whole experience. The impossibly good boot camp sequences superbly set-up the trip to Vietnam. (For my money, the scenes are "great" and "greater".) Politics are thankfully at a minimum, leaving the focus to the characters and their many struggles. I couldn't say how accurate the portrayal is, but it feels real, which is even better. It's affecting, precise, and deeply thoughtful.

2007-09-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

Air Guitar Nation

2006
Directed by Alexandra Lipsitz
Starring David "C-Diddy" Jung and Dan "Bjorn Turoque" Crane

In what could easily be misinterpreted as a mockumentary, Air Guitar Nation follows the 2004 Air Guitar World Championships (a.k.a. The Invisible Phallus Jamboree). The main focus is David "C-Diddy" Jung, the American hopeful, and Dan "Bjorn Turoque" Crane, a man who doesn't know when to quit. Some people seem genuinely offended by the mere suggestion of organized air guitar, but I think it's good fun. Viewed as performance art, it can be very funny and creatively inspiring. Some contestants are mechanically impressive, some are jokers, but they're all momentary rockstars. Nothing groundbreaking, but a fantastic subject with lively characters.

Watch C-Diddy get down

2007-09-05T03:01:00.000-07:00

Ali: Fear Eats The Soul

1974
Directed by Rainer Werner Fassbinder
Starring Brigitte Mira and El Hedi ben Salem

Ali: Fear Eats The Soul takes a whack at intolerance in 1970s Germany. After an elderly woman becomes involved with a much younger, disenfranchised Moroccan man, she's hounded with prejudice and ignorance from her friends, family, and neighbors. After the controversy settles, however, she must closely evaluate her relationship. Tender and thoughtful, it's a fantastic look at the endurance of love through cultural barriers and bigotry. The movie is very one-sided and the brush strokes much too broad, but I can't possibly disagree with the sentiment. The message is often oversimplified but the story of the relationship is independently powerful.

2007-09-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

Blind Beast Vs. Killer Dwarf

2001
Directed by Teruo Ishii
Starring Shinya Tsukamoto, Hisayoshi Hirayama, Mutsumi Fujita

The title Blind Beast Vs. Killer Dwarf makes me salivate. It evokes images of camp and over-the-top entertainment. So much for that. Rather, it's a tedious, suspenseless who-done-it clumsily revolving around a blind sculptor and a suspicious dwarf. The story is not the main problem, however, it's the non-existent production values. Shot on crummy home-video, it looks worse than most soap operas. The acting and sets are equally atrocious, making it a truly excruciating experience that's impossible to take seriously. I'm almost speechless due to the sheer ineptitude on display. There's no finesse, no professionalism, just a thoroughly awful movie.

2007-08-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

1975
Directed by Jim Sharman
Starring Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick

THE cult movie of cult movies, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a raucous, bi-curious musical that celebrates camp and oddities. As usually happens, a young couple gets lost during a storm and seeks refuge in a nearby mansion. They unwillingly become subjects of the cross-dressing Dr. Frank-N-Furter and his crew of weirdos. The remaining story is basically a Frankenstein rehash with some sci-fi thrown in, but the songs are catchy and, most notably, Tim Curry is erotically fantastic. As the plot gradually fades away, the performances and curiosities stand strong. It's less strange than I expected, but entirely enjoyable.

Favorite song: Hot Patootie

2007-08-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

300

2007
Directed by Zack Snyder
Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West

300 is the over-stylized account of the Battle of Thermopylae. A measly clan of Spartans, eager to defend their home and honor, contest Xerxes and his formidable Persian army. The movie is shallow, impersonal, and gratuitously violent. It's also sleek, entertaining, and gratuitously violent. Story and historical setting are insignificant; this is purely an exercise in testosterone, slow-motion, and CGI. It becomes quite repetitive at times (slice slice stab cut), but the colorful catalogue of monstrous characters keeps it fresh enough. Everyone should already know exactly what to expect; either you enjoy watching exaggerated action and carnage or you don't.

2007-08-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

TMNT
(Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

2007
Directed by Kevin Munroe
Starring Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were an integral part of my childhood, so I was slightly hesitant to watch TMNT. But I was relieved; it's about as good as I expected considering the source material and target audience. The classic villains are replaced by an immortal, monster-hunting billionaire and the character designs are reworked (and unwelcome). Changes aside, it maintains the 90s attitude and corny one-liners in a smooth new CGI package. Old fans should just remember (accept?) that the series did not grow old with them, this is a children's movie that happens to be quite tolerable and fun.

2007-08-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

Marebito

2004
Directed by Takashi Shimizu
Starring Shinya Tsukomoto and Tomomi Miyashita

Marebito is yet another dull, convoluted horror movie from Japan. When a freelance photographer films a fearful man commit suicide, he becomes obsessed with finding the ultimate terror. His macabre ambition leads him underground, where he finds a young feral woman whom he takes home and attempts to nourish. However, the girl comes with a dangerous price. Slow and obtuse, the movie is never invigorating, clear, or rewarding. It's unnecessarily confusing and wastes too much time on abandoned sub-plots rather than advancing the already-weak main story. Underwhelming and underdeveloped, it's a dead-end journey that isn't very interesting along the way.

2007-08-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

Forbidden Zone

1980
Directed by Richard Elfman
Starring Marie-Pascale Elfman, Matthew Bright, Gene Cunningham

Forbidden Zone is a creation of Oingo Boingo (specifically, a cinematic extension of their stage show) and, surprise, it's really weird. The disposable plot involves rescuing a transvestite from the sixth dimension's midget king. That's fine and good, but the movie really shines in its music, absurd situations, and surreal sets. If I had to liken it to anything, I'd say it's a live-action 1920's cartoon. It's generally poorly acted and the humor is often low-brow, but it's such a bizarre labor of love that I can't help but enjoy it. Love it or hate it, it's a unique experience.

My favorite scenes: Bim Bam Boom / Squeezit Meets Satan

2007-08-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

Incident At Loch Ness

2004
Directed by Zak Penn
Starring Werner Herzog, Zak Penn, Michael Karnow

Incident At Loch Ness is a mockumentary about Werner Herzog researching the legend of the Loch Ness monster. As Herzog projects usually go, the schedule is chaotic, the crew can't agree, and the egomaniacal producer has questionable ulterior motives. It's nowhere near as polished as Christopher Gust's offerings, but it's solidly supported by Herzog's hypnotic presence and inside jokes. The best parts of the movie tend to involve Herzog's past movies, his enigmatic personality, or a combination of both. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but fans of Werner should have no problem enjoying the tongue-in-cheek references and documentary nature.

Favorite quote:

Werner: This is the single most chaotic production I've ever seen.
Zak: Thanks, that's helpful.
Werner: ...and I've been on a couple of difficult ones.
Zak: Yeah, I know you have. At least we're not dragging a boat over a hill.
Werner: What did you say?
Zak: Nothing.

2007-08-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

I Like Killing Flies

2004
Directed by Matt Mahurin
Starring Kenny Shopsin and family

I Like Killing flies follows the quirky, short-tempered, philosophical restaurant owner Kenny Shopsin as he manages his hazardous kitchen and prepares to move shop. Overflowing with decades of history and tradition, his greasy spoon is ruled with an iron fist. New customers must earn their meals, parties of five are banished, and people looking for coffee are chased into the street. Kenny's a colorful character who's summed up thusly, "Am I, in my busywork, seeking to inject meaning into my life? The fuck is the marinara sauce?!" The documentary is a nice slice of life featuring a likable, eccentric cast.

2007-07-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

The Mystery Of Picasso

1956
Directed by Henri-Georges Clouzot
Starring Pablo Picasso

I'm not exactly infatuated with Pablo Picasso's work, but Clouzot's documentary is an undeniably fascinating examination of the man's artistic process. Thanks to a special transparent canvas, we're able to watch Picasso create a painting from beginning to end, which often includes improvised additions and subtractions as well as entire impulsive transformations. Almost no time is wasted on dialogue or exposition, just pure, flowing art. Not everything is of the highest quality, but what's good is often great and the voyeuristic theme is enough to warrant a viewing. Essentially a jam session with Picasso, the experience is unique and enlightening.

2007-07-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

Black Snake Moan

2006
Directed by Craig Brewer
Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake

Black Snake Moan is another colorful southern flick from Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow) about sleazy people reluctantly improving themselves by confronting their seedy pasts. This time, it's a down-and-out blues man and a trashy nymphomaniac who ends up chained to a radiator. The unlawful restraint is an interesting, off-beat concept, but the movie has nowhere to go once it develops. It comes to a screeching halt and turns on the autopilot. Unfortunately, everything then occurs as expected in a neat, happy little package. I love the concept, atmosphere, and music, but hate the southern stereotypes, inspirational melodrama, and ending.

2007-07-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

The Bridge

2006
Directed by Eric Steel
Starring jumpers and their friends and families

The Bridge is an unflinching documentary that examines the Golden Gate Bridge as a popular suicide spot. Director Eric Steel captured 23 of the 24 jumps on film and interviewed friends, families, and witnesses of the jumpers. The movie doesn't aim to solve nor entirely understand suicide, but it offers a rare, personal glimpse into the lives of people who have simply had enough. It's honest, open, and refreshingly direct about the subject. Careful to avoid being an exploitive snuff film, the editing is tasteful and poetic, giving respect to those featured. Overall, it's powerful and provocative while remaining palatable.

2007-07-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

Crash

1996
Directed by David Cronenberg
Starring James Spader, Elias Koteas, Holly Hunter

Somehow worse than the other Crash, Cronenberg's version is a gratuitous journey into the lives of a group of auto-accident fetishists. That's right, disconnected people who get off on crashing cars. After a promiscuous commercial director gets in a wreck, he's drawn to the aforementioned subculture and gets busy. The movie is intended as commentary on technology and emotional detachment, but the premise is so absurd and unbelievable, so unmotivated and inexplicable, that it just doesn't matter. Car crash, sex, car crash, sex; there comes a point where story is abandoned, subtext flies out of control, and smut takes hold.

2007-07-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

Willard

2003
Directed by Glen Morgan
Starring Crispin Glover, R. Lee Ermey, Laura Harring

In Willard, the titular character (a loner who lives with his overbearing mother and hates his boss) befriends the rats in his basement and trains them to do his bidding. (Need I even mention this is a remake from the '70s?) The movie has a rich atmosphere and looks sharp, but, ultimately, it's about a murderous rat clan, which I don't find frightening in the least. Willard is not so much a bad horror movie, it just isn't a horror movie. While it's silly and predictable, Crispin Glover gives a fine, psychotic performance, but he can't overcome the goofy material.

2007-07-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

Julien Donkey-Boy

1999
Directed by Harmony Korine
Starring Ewen Bremner, Chloe Sevigny, Werner Herzog

Julien Donkey-Boy is presented as a kind of abstract memory bank. It concerns Julien, a mentally unstable young man who lives with his pregnant sister, meathead brother, and abusive, insane father. Much of the movie is unconcerned with plot progression, instead focusing on vignettes of Julien's day-to-day routine and the ubiquitous dysfunction that he wades through. Shot on grainy digital video, it's quite ugly, but that adds to the realism and atmosphere. It's highly experimental and, naturally, not everything works, but what does work is entertaining and refreshing. While not great by any means, it definitely has something to offer.

2007-06-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Devil's Playground

2002
Directed by Lucy Walker
Starring Faron Yoder, Velda Bontrager, Ella Miller

Devil's Playground is a documentary that takes a gander at the mysterious Amish world. Specifically rumspringa, a tradition in which teenagers decide if they want to remain Amish or join our modern party. Kids typically spend rumspringa getting drunk and doing drugs then quietly going back to the farm. However, a few develop a meth addiction or move to Florida. The documentary is low-budget and limited in scope, but the subject matter is fascinating enough to support the wispy running time. It isn't particularly insightful nor inquisitive, but shedding light on such an unknown, exclusionary tradition is satisfying in itself.

2007-06-15T02:26:00.000-07:00

Electric Dragon 80,000 V

2001
Directed by Sogo Ishii
Starring Tadanobu Asano and Masatoshi Nagase

Kind of a stylistic successor to Tetsuo: The Iron Man, Electric Dragon 80,000 V is about Dragon Eye Morrison, a reptile investigator who can harness electricity due to being jolted as a child. As the narrator elegantly puts it, "He conducts electricity! He talks to reptiles! He's the man!" He's followed and eventually challenged by Thunderbolt Buddha, a surly electrician with similar powers. The movie is mostly a comical, punk-rocky exhibition of sight and sound with minimal concrete plot. Running under an hour long, there's little substance, but it's always energetic and entertaining. Thin on meat, but tons of personality.

2007-06-08T01:54:00.000-07:00

Allegro Non Troppo

1977
Directed by Bruno Bozzetto
Starring Maurizio Nichetti, Maurizio Micheli, Néstor Garay

Allegro Non Troppo is Italian animator Bruno Bozzetto's unabashed take on Disney's Fantasia. Animated shorts set to classical music are interspersed between live-action sketches involving a brute conductor, wimpy animator, and aging band. Much of the animation is rough and lacks fluidity, but the concepts are mostly intriguing and original (life springing forth from a Coca-Cola bottle, for example). The live-action slapstick scenes are funny and light-hearted, nicely complimenting the animation's goofy tone*. It's somewhat rough around the edges, but never dull nor uninspired. Lack of polish and derivative nature aside, it's an enjoyable free-spirited exercise in evocative, sensual animation.

* Well, most of it is goofy.

2007-06-05T03:25:00.000-07:00

Ed Gein

2000
Directed by Chuck Parello
Starring Steve Railsback, Carrie Snodgrass, Carol Mansell

Naturally, Ed Gein is an account of Ed Gein's childhood and the two (proven) murders that he committed. Ed is painted as a homely, well-meaning man with a deep-rooted Oedipus complex. While it's certainly refreshing to see a movie about Ed Gein instead of the usual "inspired by" routine, it just isn't very good and, even worse, is dishonest about its subject. The budget is low and the acting is passable, but there are many absent details while some flat-out silliness is included (like Ed being encouraged by his mother's ghost). A respectable effort, but it's neither exciting nor investigative.

2007-06-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

Pinocchio 964

1991
Directed by Shozin Fukui
Starring Hage Suzuki and Onn Chan

Pinocchio 964 is a ghastly extension of cyberpunk that features an abandoned, lobotomized sex slave trying to survive in the city. Soon after he's cast away, Pinocchio is "adopted" by a homeless wombat of a woman who helps him evade the agents tracking him down. With an extended vomit sequence and some great moments of public performance, the movie is aggressive and expectedly odd, but there's too much thin insinuation and unnecessary interpretation. I don't like how it's filmed and I don't quite understand Fukui's point, but I appreciate his ambition and daringness. It's uneven and confusing, but undeniably interesting.

2007-06-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

Apocalypto

2006
Directed by Mel Gibson
Starring Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, Raoul Trujillo

Set in 16th century Mayan culture, Apocalypto tells the story of a man trying to reunite with his family after his village is ransacked by bloodthirsty warriors. The movie is incredibly immersive; the sets, costumes, language, and people all feel authentic. But, make no mistake, this is an action flick, not a history lesson. Much of the second half is an exhilarating wild goose chase focused on unforgivingly frenetic action. It's intense and kinetic and, above all, offers a complete experience due to painstaking detail and no-name actors. In all his inspired insanity, Mel Gibson crafted a rousing, invigorating movie.

2007-05-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

The Holy Mountain

1973
Directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky
Starring Horacio Salinas and Alejandro Jodorowsky

Somewhere between Luis Buñuel and Monty Python is The Holy Mountain, a surreal movie focusing on satire, symbolism, and spirituality. A thief is "recruited" by a mystical alchemist who leads him and seven others to a holy mountain with the promise of immortality. Along the way, religion, military, media, etc. are all creatively satirized. The story is visually lush with both rich colors and unthinkably bizarre situations (excrement to gold). Cleary a movie of the 70s, part of the allure is the dated disposition and uneasy unpredictability. It's a cerebral, biting fantasy with the production values of a gaudy musical.

2007-05-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

The New World

2005
Directed by Terrence Malick
Starring Q'Orianka Kilcher, Colin Farrell, Christian Bale

The New World is Terrence Malick's retelling of the Pocahontas story (with new, unintelligible voice over!). As one would expect from Malick, the movie looks lush and vibrant, feels authentic, and has a dreamy, lulling pace. I usually like those qualities, but not at all in this story. Not nearly enough time is spent developing characters or plot. Instead, we get long shots of nature, no sense of time, and a lot of meaningless wandering. As sensual as it may be, there's nothing that's ultimately involving or intimate. It's a beautiful, beautiful movie that really feels like a two-hour trailer.

2007-05-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Safety Last!

1923
Directed by Fred C. Newmeyer and Sam Taylor
Starring Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Bill Strother

Whether they've seen it or not, ~~nearly everyone~~ many people are familiar with the iconic image of Harold Lloyd maniacally hanging from a clock in Safety Last!. Lloyd plays "The Boy", an ambitious chap looking to impress his girlfriend with a big-time city job. Mistiming and misfortune at his sales clerk position force him to dangerously scale a building for an enthusiastic, on-looking crowd. While Lloyd couldn't match the personalities or distinctions of Chaplin and Keaton, he played a relatable everyman willing to entertain at all costs. The movie is charming and funny, but also inadvisably suspenseful. Lloyd was insane, lucky us.

2007-05-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

Bus 174

2002
Directed by Jose Padilha and Felipe Lacerda
Starring Sandro do Nascimento, Yvonne Bezerra de Mello, Rodrigo Pimentel

Bus 174 is an ambitious documentary that's often frustrating to watch. It revolves around Sandro, a Brazilian man who hi-jacked a bus in a moment of maniacal desperation. Along with interviewing hostages and chronicling the events, the directors examine Sandro's background as a homeless orphan and attempt to discover his motivation. In doing so, they unacceptably blame everyone except Sandro. As if watching the terrible events unfold (partially due to an incompetent law-enforcement) wasn't enough, you also have to swallow mindless scapegoating and whiny claims of victimization. Sandro's actions, the police's actions, and the directors' motives are all absolutely infuriating.

2007-04-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

Fast, Cheap & Out Of Control

1997
Directed by Errol Morris
Starring Dave Hoover, George Mendonça, Raymond A. Mendez, Rodney Brooks

The interview-laden documentary Fast, Cheap & Out Of Control shines its light on four men of unusual vocations. Amongst them: a wild animal trainer, a topiary gardener, a naked mole-rat expert, and a robot scientist. Their professions aren't remotely related, but they're connected by a basic interest of communication and its relation to humanity. At only eighty minutes, it's impossible to get a full-fleshed impression of everyone's work, but much of what's covered is interesting and insightful (minus the mostly-dull animal trainer). The copious amount of unnecessary stock footage doesn't help matters, but there are some amusing tales to behold.

2007-04-25T01:36:00.000-07:00

Rize

2005
Directed by David LaChapelle
Starring Tommy The Clown, Dragon, Tight Eyez

Rize is a documentary that examines two "rival" dancing subcultures in LA: Clowning and Krumping. The intricate differences elude me, but they both involve painting your face and violently dancing around (randomly, it appears). The movie has distinct good and bad portions, and, truth be told, not much of the good involves the silly dancing. It's interesting to watch these kids construct their own medium of expression, but not half as interesting as hearing their personal, inner city struggles. The dancing doesn't appeal to me, but the human side of the documentary does and I wish it was expanded upon.

Clowns Vs. Krumpers on YouTube

2007-04-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

MirrorMask

2005
Directed by Dave McKean
Starring Stephanie Leonidas and Jason Barry

MirrorMask, really a glorified dream-sequence, is a fantasy adventure movie with extravagant locales and whimsical characters. After a circus-performer's mother falls ill, she stumbles upon a fantasy world in need of help. The story is fairly standard as far as fantasy goes (girl must find illusory item to restore the kingdom), but it's a wonder to watch. Orbiting giants, sphinxes, future fruit, and floating books all occupy the MirrorMask world and they're all sumptuous and inventive. Sure, there's not much depth to the Oz-ish story, but it's endlessly creative and effectively actualizes an alternate-reality. It's charming, grandiose, and visually rich.

2007-04-11T22:18:00.000-07:00

Tideland

2005
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Starring Jodelle Ferland, Janet McTeer, Brendan Fletcher

Terry Gilliam's Tideland can be described as a macabre mishmash of Alice In Wonderland and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In it, a young girl moves to the rural plains with her heroin-addicted father. Her imagination serves as entertainment until she stumbles upon her ghastly, eccentric neighbors and all manner of horror ensues. Tideland has been criticized for being uneventful, but it's actually quite animated. The problem, however, is that it's a dead end. The plot meanders, shrouding the purpose. Enough interesting occurrences happen to make it entertaining and Jodelle Ferland is extraordinary, but there's not enough meat to the story.

2007-04-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

The Lady From Shanghai

1948
Directed by Orson Welles
Starring Orson Welles, Rita Hayworth, Everett Sloane

The Lady From Shanghai is Orson Welles' film noir about an Irishman who gets involved with his boss' wife and, more urgently, an elaborate murder scheme. I fully expect film noir to have some degree of snaking complexity amongst the numerous shady characters and their dealings, but this plot is absurd. I have only the faintest clue about the story's inner structure, which I consider ridiculous. My distaste aside, I think it's well acted with interesting, over-the-top characters and I really like the sets (particularly towards the end). Think of it as an enjoyable, gripping movie that makes little sense.

2007-03-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

Marie Antoinette

2006
Directed by Sofia Coppola
Starring Kirsten Dunst and Jason Schwartzman

Marie Antoinette is a flamboyant biography of the young French Queen. As far as I know it's fairly accurate regarding general history and smaller, more intimate details, but accuracy doesn't equate to entertainment. Marie is repeatedly shown doing her everyday rituals (waking up, eating, bathing). There isn't much variation between her days and you eventually want to scream, "WE GET IT!!!!" No movie needs one-hundred different shots of desserts or dresses or anything. The calm, insignificant moments work in something cozy like Lost In Translation but ruin a historical drama. It's visually sumptuous without offering much context or excitement.

2007-03-26T01:03:00.000-07:00

The Thin Blue Line

1988
Directed by Errol Morris
Starring Randall Adams and David Harris

The Thin Blue Line is a documentary regarding a 1976 murder case in Texas. Randall Adams was convicted of murdering a police officer based on the questionable testimony of repeat-criminal David Harris, unreliable eye-witnesses, and law enforcers with an agenda. Through interviews and re-enactments, Errol Morris re-examines the case with some common sense and creates a compelling argument for Adams' innocence (so compelling, in fact, that it aided in his release from prison). The structure is cleverly revealing and the interviewees' credibility is often hilariously obvious. Some relevant facts are omitted, but the documentary is endlessly entertaining and amazingly significant.

2007-03-22T23:07:00.000-07:00

The Wild One

1953
Directed by Laszlo Benedek
Starring Marlon Brando, Mary Murphy, Lee Marvin

The Wild One, Marlon Brando's break-out movie, is a story of motorcycle gangs, youthful rebellion, and some bi-curiosity. Brando plays Johnny, the smooth leader of the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. When his gang tries to overrun a sleepy town, they meet resistance from fed-up locals. Most of the movie consists of bikers acting like immature idiots, which was surely shocking in 1953, but it's just irritating now. Too much time is wasted on their childish antics instead of much-needed character development. It maintains some originality and edginess, but never generates the necessary sympathy. Overall, an archaic, misguided depiction of rebellion.

2007-03-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

Super Troopers

2001
Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar
Starring Jay Chandrasekhar, Erik Stolhanske, Kevin Heffernan

Super Troopers (aka Fratboys In Police Uniforms) follows a group of wacky highway patrolmen whose jobs are at risk because of their constant pranks and gags, which range from harassing teenagers to tormenting their partners to feuding with the local cops. The premise is promising, but most of the jokes are sophomoric, unfunny, needlessly drawn-out, or a depressing combination of all three. It's not without some bright moments, but the low-brow frat-comedy always feels misplaced in the police station. There just isn't enough material for an entire movie. Save yourself the time and just watch the best scene on YouTube.

2007-03-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

Edmond

2005
Directed by Stuart Gordon
Starring William H. Macy

Unhappy with his life, Edmond Burke begins living dangerously free after visiting a foreboding fortune-teller. During his speedy downward spiral he leaves his wife, pursues some late-night company, pummels a man, and kills a woman. The movie is acerbic and brash, often offering barbarism without much apparent cause. I don't like the seemingly insignificant motives of the main character nor how carelessly the shock material is presented. It doesn't often make sense and, when it does, it's mean-spirited or unbelievable. William H. Macy is exceptional in the role, but he alone cannot overcome the bitter undertones of racism and hatred.

2007-03-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Stranger Than Fiction

2006
Directed by Marc Forster
Starring Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Emma Thompson

Stranger Than Fiction's script could easily be dismissed as Charlie Kaufman-lite, but it's a sweet, inspiring story about a hopeless man living a life that he hates. Will Ferrell plays Harold Crick, a calculated IRS auditor who, one day, hears a woman narrating his life. Only when he learns of his imminent death does he seek serious answers. The movie isn't as funny as suggested, but, through clever circumstances, it's a touching look at someone changing his mundane existence. Will Ferrell's charming in the role and, while there are some intrusive, unnecessary special effects, the end product is pleasantly memorable.

2007-03-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Borat:
Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan

2006
Directed by Larry Charles
Starring Sacha Baron Cohen and Ken Davitian

As I unfortunately found out, Borat is a movie that's mountains funnier when you haven't seen the ubiquitous trailer one-thousand times. The inconsequential story follows Kazakhstani reporter Borat as he explores America, searches for Pamela Anderson, and makes hearty fools of anyone he encounters. The comedy tends to be more shocking and juvenile than witty and clever, but dopey, unsuspecting victims (frat boys, etiquette teachers, TV personalities) nearly make it worthwhile. Almost all of the scripted material is forgettable and even the funniest moments don't seem to have much longevity, but it's deserving of at least a single curious viewing.

2007-03-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

I reformatted my computer and currently don't have any photo editing or word processing software installed. Be back soon.

2007-02-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

The Illusionist

2006
Directed by Neil Burger
Starring Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel, Rufus Sewell

Don't be fooled, The Illusionist is a fairly standard period romance that happens to involve a magician. In 19th century Vienna, a young illusionist befriends a high-class young girl who is eventually forbid from seeing him. Years later, the talented magician returns to Vienna and unintentionally reunites with his former flame, who is now the fiancée of the begrudged, violent, womanizing Crown Prince. I find the romantic story mostly uninteresting and Norton generally unconvincing, but it's well-made, looks sharp, and Giamatti and Sewell are both fantastic. I just can't get by the self-defeating CGI magic and incredibly forced plot developments.

2007-02-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

Little Miss Sunshine

2006
Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris
Starring Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Abigail Breslin, Steve Carell

Much darker than expected, Little Miss Sunshine follows an oddball family to an out-of-state beauty pageant for young girls. Along the way, little goes as planned and the already-shaky personal relationships are further tested. The family isn't so much dysfunctional as it is a cacophony of personalities: self-help dad, voluntarily-mute son, drug-addict grandpa, etc. Eventually, they're forced to be a family and find worth within their lives. The movie covers a wide range of poignant emotions with oodles of charm, but the "band of weirdos" angle is occasionally pushed too hard. Despite some over-exaggeration, it's very sweet, funny, and endearing.

2007-02-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

The Science Of Sleep

2006
Directed by Michel Gondry
Starring Gael Garcia Bernal and Charlotte Gainsbourg

The Science Of Sleep is a really fun, interesting movie that doesn't quite accomplish the mission that it sets out on. Stephane, a creative graphic designer, moves to France to pursue a job. He becomes romantically interested in his stubborn neighbor while his whimsical dreams begin to intertwine and interfere with reality. There isn't much solid story here, but the dream sequences and playful Gondry touch make it very enchanting. The lack of cohesion and emotional connection is compensated by the sheer creativity of the dreamscapes. Frankly, the movie is more enjoyable than proficient, but that works fine for me.

2007-02-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

Microcosmos

1996
Directed by Claude Nuridsany and Marie Pérennou
Starring insects

Microcosmos is a documentary that takes a close look at a bustling community that's often ignored: that of garden-variety insects. From ladybugs and caterpillars to dung beetles and snails, the expansive class of animals is well represented in striking macro-photography and engrossing sound design. The movie does lack context, as some of the unexplained buggy behavior seems incomprehensible, but the sheer wonderment it provides is more than satisfactory. It offers great insight into another world and encourages viewers to consider the unassuming astonishment that exists everywhere. Full of drama, humor, and suspense, the movie reaches beyond simply filming some bugs.

2007-02-07T19:48:00.000-08:00

Unforgiven

1992
Directed by Clint Eastwood
Starring Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, Gene Hackman

Unforgiven is sparse on action and gunfights, but is deeply contemplative and richly thematic. A retired gunslinger, his friend, and an enthusiastic young buck combine to retrieve a bounty on a man who assaulted a prostitute. What they find, however, is a no-nonsense sheriff who wants to avoid the inevitable trouble. Much attention is paid to the nature of violence, Wild West romanticism, and what it really means to kill a man. This isn't a movie about glamorous heroes, rather a study of retribution and revisionist mysticism. The final product is a powerful and insightful examination of old west folklore.

2007-02-03T23:22:00.000-08:00

Duck Season

2004
Directed by Fernando Eimbcke
Starring Daniel Miranda, Diego Cataño, Danny Perea

Duck Season takes place on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Best friends Flama and Moko look forward to a day of playing Halo and eating junk food, but their leisure is interrupted by a stubborn pizza man and needy neighbor. Through conflict and arguments they slowly bond and waste the day away. The movie is an ambitious character study that doesn't quite flesh out. It's entertaining watching the boys break through boyhood, but, as a whole, it feels insignificant. The movie's ultimate intent is clear, but it's smothered by its own mundane nature. The final result is equally endearing and forgettable.

2007-02-01T00:03:00.000-08:00

A Scanner Darkly

2006
Directed by Richard Linklater
Starring Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson

A Scanner Darkly, Richard Linklater's latest schizophrenic stoner-fest, revolves around Bob Arctor, an anonymous narcotics agent who's assigned to monitor himself and his roommates. Unbeknownst to his agency, Arctor himself is an addict approaching insanity. Most of the time, he and his friends amble around Southern California and not much gets accomplished. The story is somehow too complex and uneventful. People sit around, do drugs, and have boring conversations. Robert Downey is funny in his role and Woody Harrelson tries his best, but it's all too rambling and uninvolving. I hate rotoscoping, but some innovative uses add some needed flavor.

2007-01-16T21:38:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry that I haven't written an update lately. I'll be back in business soon, I assure you.

2007-01-02T01:10:00.000-08:00

The Descent

2005
Directed by Neil Marshall
Starring Shauna Macdonald and Natalie Mendoza

The Descent places a group of adventuring friends in an unmapped cave and lets them duel with the existing, hostile residents. The movie takes its sweet time to get rolling, but once the antagonists are introduced and the action begins, it doesn't stop for a breather. It's swift, bloody, and energetic, but the dense atmosphere and claustrophobic setting still play large, effective roles. With disorienting camera angles and bare, moody lighting, the ambiance itself is quite creepy. While the ending is mishandled* and the various cheap scares are unnecessary, it's a commendable horror film with fantastic set and monster design.

* Both the original UK version and the theatrical US version are crummy, in my opinion.

2006-12-29T04:07:00.000-08:00

Lady In The Water

2006
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Starring Paul Giamatti and Bryce Dallas Howard

Lady In The Water is an absolutely abysmal example of thoughtful storytelling. It begins decently: an apartment superintendent catches a mysterious woman swimming in his pool after hours and she claims to be a mystical, needy sea nymph named Story (really). For some unknown reason, a Korean tenant knows exactly what's happening and, completely lacking skepticism, the entire community dives headfirst into fantasyland to aide Ms. Narf. I welcome the idea of a modern-day fairy tale, but the underdeveloped story is repeatedly told to the audience with no mystery or suspense. It's annoyingly self-conscious*, heavy-handed, nonsensical, and just really dumb.

* Shyamalan casts himself as a brilliant, unappreciated writer and you'll never guess what happens to the movie critic character!

2006-12-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

The Wild Blue Yonder

2005
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring Brad Dourif, astronauts, divers

The Wild Blue Yonder is another of Werner Herzog's sci-fi / documentary hybrids and is easily the worst I've seen from his filmography. The movie uses footage from a NASA mission and an Arctic diving expedition to formulate some goofy story about planetary exploration. During all this, Brad Dourif, an alien from Andromeda, rants and raves about human nature. It's really inexplicable and, more importantly, really boring. The first half features astronauts being astronauts and the second half features divers swimming around looking at things. The footage is rarely interesting and there's little reward for surviving the grind. Baffling, really.

2006-12-19T21:01:00.000-08:00

Pulse

2006
Directed by Jim Sonzero
Starring Kristen Bell and Ian Somerhalder

While I didn't like the original Pulse, it was at least thoughtful. In the remake, the social commentary is removed and replaced by annoying teenage angst. The movie still doesn't make an ounce of sense, but there are some ghosts running around stealing souls and kids committing suicide and whatnot. Unlike the original, the remake tries to actually be scary, but it's often so dull or corny that the effort is wasted. The effects are super-lame, the atmosphere very forced, and the premise silly (ghosts and technology will never mix). I like the gritty look, but the praise stops there.

2006-12-15T14:10:00.000-08:00

Elf

2003
Directed by Jon Favreau
Starring Will Ferrell and James Caan

Elf means well and has some very bright moments, but it never quite escapes the clutches of the generic-holiday-family-movie. One Christmas Eve, Santa accidentally kidnaps a stowaway orphan ("Buddy") which one of his elves adopts. When Buddy comes of age, he's given the straight-story and begins a pilgrimage to New York to find his biological father. The first half is pretty funny; the writing is decent (if obvious) and Will Ferrell's antics only make it better. But, unfortunately, it eventually becomes a predictable "Save Christmas!" story instead of a comedy. It's light-hearted fun, but inconsistent with both laughs and character.

2006-12-11T19:02:00.000-08:00

The Fly II

1989
Directed by Chris Walas
Starring Eric Stoltz, Daphne Zuniga, Lee Richardson

The Fly II picks up where The Fly ended, meaning that Seth Brundle's mutant son is the primary focus. A genius with accelerated growth, he's a five year old who appears twenty. He lives in some silly scientific research lab where he continues his father's work on teleportation. Despite his many gifts, he can't escape his insect DNA, which slowly changes his life. This is really just a slipshod rehashing of the previous movie with an unnecessary anti-corporate sentiment and a goofy monster instead of a tortured man. It mirrors the original, but possesses little of the charm or intelligence.

Best (read: worst) line: "He bugged me."

2006-12-10T20:17:00.000-08:00

The Fly

1986
Directed by David Cronenberg
Starring Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis

The Fly, Cronenberg's remake of the same-named 1950s movie, offers chaos and body-horror along with a story of tragic love. During his experiments with teleportation, independent scientist Seth Brundle inadvertently (and unknowingly) splices himself with a fly. The change initially rejuvenates and strengthens him, turning him into an Olympic gymnast, but his evolving fly-body begins to literally fall apart. There are nice subtexts regarding man and science and the relationship aspect is stirring, but this is a movie that I watch for the make-up first and foremost. It fully, gruesomely delivers on that front, making everything else just extra icing.

2006-12-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

I have not been feeling well. Be back soon, hopefully.

2006-11-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

X-Men

2000
Directed by Bryan Singer
Starring Hugh Jackman, Anna Paquin, Patrick Stewart

Know what's great about X-Men? The fact that the movie takes the characters seriously. Know what's not great about X-Men? The fact that the writing doesn't reflect that whatsoever. The character designs are modest and believable, but then there is dialogue like, "Welcome to the future!" and, "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?*" I really enjoyed some of the mutants' humble beginnings, but the generic save-the-city-from-Magneto plot eventually takes over. The cast is fantastic and the special effects are impressive, it's just a shame that the tone continuously flops between reality and comic-book-land.

* The same thing that happens to everything else, of course.

2006-11-27T00:55:00.000-08:00

King Kong

1933
Directed by Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack
Starring King Kong, Fay Wray, Robert Armstrong

In addition to being a historically important, innovative spectacle, the original King King is a darn fine adventure movie. Unlike Peter Jackson's version, the story is swift and smooth, wasting little time in establishing character and setting sail for the dreaded Skull Island. There are very few moments of downtime and, to this day, the special effects are incredible. Another advantage over the recent remake is Kong himself. Contrary to the computerized, realistic portrayal, the imperfect, stop-motion version has oodles of character. It's so technically impressive and exciting that it's mind-boggling to think how striking it was seventy years ago.

2006-11-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

Lessons Of Darkness

1992
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring fire and oil and chaos

In 1992, Werner Herzog traveled to Kuwait after The Gulf War to photograph the aftermath (namely the perpetual oil fires). Like Fata Morgana, Lessons Of Darkness is essentially a collection of images with an unrelated narrative. The movie has very little context, but the scenes are incredibly striking and memorable. The settings are entirely foreign, often balanced between beauty and carnage and appearing extraterrestrial. From geysers of fire to literal lakes of oil to apocalyptic firefighters, the landscape is nearly incomprehensible. It's not very long, at only about fifty minutes, but the extraordinary scenery is well filmed and long lasting.

2006-11-22T23:35:00.000-08:00

The Toxic Avenger

1985
Directed by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz
Starring Mitch Cohen and Andree Maranda

The Toxic Avenger offers cheesy gore, general absurdity, and a lot of really terrible acting and writing. Usually, I would joyfully wallow in such incompetence, but this is just bad in a very 80s manner. The story concerns Melvin, a gym employee who, when being harassed, falls into toxic waste and becomes the crime-fighting Toxic Avenger. Despite his good deeds, the mayor considers a seven foot, unsightly monster a nuisance and wants him destroyed. While it's a goofy spoof film, it's never quite funny nor gory enough. Furthermore, I couldn't shake the feeling that it was perhaps awful on accident.

2006-11-21T00:13:00.000-08:00

Storytelling

2001
Directed by Todd Solondz
Starring Paul Giamatti, Mark Webber, John Goodman

Like Palindromes, Storytelling's cinematic aim is, at best, unclear and, at worst, annoyingly onanistic. The movie consists of two stories ("Fiction", "Non-Fiction") which Todd Solondz uses as soapboxes to address his critics. In "Non-Fiction" (the bulk of the movie), a documentary filmmaker chronicles the college admission process of a suburban high-school student who's dealing with sexuality, delusions of grandeur, and a strict father. Solondz doesn't seem very concerned with the story, instead opting to blatantly respond to his many critics (probably unsuccessfully). I've liked his movies and methods, which makes the attempted justification of his ideology that much more lame.

2006-11-18T15:09:00.000-08:00

Palindromes

2004
Directed by Todd Solondz
Starring Sharon Wilkins, for starters

Palindromes is a movie that I really just don't understand. The story itself is loud and clear, but the experimental gimmick is confounding. The main character, a young girl who runs away from home after getting an abortion, is played by eight different people. Why? No clue. From pedophilia to anal sex to handicapped kids singing about Jesus, Solondz focuses on his usual taboo-breaking subjects, but there isn't much substance, otherwise. It's not without its funny and provocative moments, but they're often buried beneath the distracting envelope-pushing (which even I found occasionally tasteless). It's a movie needlessly taken too far.

2006-11-12T15:40:00.000-08:00

Save The Green Planet!

2003
Directed by Joon-Hwan Jang
Starring Ha-Kyun Shin, Yun-Shik Baek, Jeong-Min Hwang

Save The Green Planet! is an internally conflicted hodgepodge and I don't know what it expects from its audience. A conspiracy theorist convinced that Earth is threatened by humanoid aliens captures the man who he believes to be their leader. Amidst interrogating and torturing the man, he plays cat-and-mouse with the suspecting police. From comedy to horror to drama to sci-fi, the movie clumsily switches genres every few scenes and never successfully incorporates any. Even more bothersome, the main character constantly flops between protagonist and antagonist. It's entertaining in a goofy, bumbling manner, but still a complete tonal, structural mess.

2006-11-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

Eyes Wide Shut

1999
Directed by Stanley Kubrick
Starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman

Eyes Wide Shut, Kubrick's divisive final film, examines adultery and temptation to varying degrees of success. When a rich doctor's wife reveals that she has had past fantasies of adultery, he himself becomes infatuated with extramarital affairs. Under dreamlike circumstances, his life becomes engulfed by sexuality, from delusions to opportune temptation to a mysterious, lofty orgy. The story is somewhat disappointingly inconclusive, but the movie's general mystique and atmosphere are both exceptional (and seemingly more important, anyway). I think the plot is stretched too thin for a simple message of fidelity, but it greatly succeeds in various areas of aesthetics.

2006-11-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

Stroszek

1977
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring Bruno S, Eva Mattes, Clemens Scheitz

Easily my favorite non-Kinski, non-documentary effort of Herzog's, Stroszek explores the darker, pessimistic side of the American Dream. Bruno, an abused, recovering alcoholic from Berlin, flees to America with his neighbor and prostitute lady-friend. They settle in Wisconsin (the real land of opportunity) and take on menial jobs, buy a small, manufactured home, and fall into a bottomless pit of debt and sorrow. All elements considered, this is amongst the most tragic movies I've seen. The exhaustive deterioration of people and their dreams, coupled with some surreal Herzog touches, makes for a story that's heartbreakingly off-beat. Incredibly powerful and poignant.

2006-11-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

A Snake Of June

2002
Directed by Shinya Tsukamoto
Starring Asuka Kurosawa, Yuji Kohtari, Shinya Tsukamoto

A Snake Of June is the product of Shinya Tsukamoto, best known for his cyberpunk sentiments. Unlike his previous fast-paced, body-horror films, the mood here is more reserved and introverted. Rinko, a telephone shrink, becomes black-mailed by one of her dying patients. Threatening her with revealing photos, he makes her strut around in skimpy outfits and buy sex toys. Her emotionally distant husband later becomes involved, leading to an erotic showdown of sorts. The performances are notable, along with the nice blue-tinged B&W photography, but the story always seems like a sexual gimmick. It's too slow, hesitant, and tonally uneven.

2006-11-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

Brick

2005
Directed by Rian Johnson
Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Nora Zehetner, Lukas Haas

The basic premise of Brick is such: transplant film noir into a modern California high school. Sounds pretty lame, right? Quite the contrary. Nuances and motifs commonly found in film noir are used very effectively as a high-schooler trudges through the seedy adolescent underworld while trying to solve the mystery of his girlfriend's death. There are robust, nick-named characters (The Pin, Tug, The Brain), snappy dialogue, and, naturally, a complex, convoluted plot. There are moments when style over-powers substance, but the incredibly refreshing execution handily compensates. It's well acted, well written, and, overall, a pleasant departure from typical teenage dramas.

2006-11-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

Gojira
(a.k.a. Godzilla)

1954
Directed by Ishiro Honda
Starring Akira Takarada, Momoko Kochi, Akihiko Hirata

Godzilla is a classic movie monster birthed from a pretty good monster movie. When ships begin disappearing off the Japanese coast under mysterious, unnatural circumstances, village elders fear that the legendary Gojira has returned. Fueled by fury and armed with a radioactive breath, the monster comes mainland and ravages cities while only a single reluctant scientist harbors the destructive technology capable of stopping it. The concept of Godzilla has become somewhat campy, but the original is a somber, meditative tale with convincing low-budget special effects. It's occasionally patchy, but serves as a tense, intelligent allegory that's both engrossing and thoughtful.

Note: The review regards the original Japanese version of the movie.

2006-11-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

The Kid

1921
Directed by Charlie Chaplin
Starring Charlie Chaplin and Jackie Coogan
A picture with a smile, and perhaps a tear

Charlie Chaplin's The Kid is a timeless, innovative compound of slapstick humor and drama. Chaplin's tramp character finds an abandoned baby and raises him in his run-down apartment. They form a strong bond over the years and get into various hilarious hijinks, including money-making schemes and street brawls. Eventually, they must deal with the child's mother attempting to reclaim her rejected son. This isn't an older movie relying on reputation; it's genuinely very, very funny and contains some great touching moments. Chaplin and seven year-old Coogan are both unbelievably charismatic, which is simply a bonus in an already top-notch movie.

Watch it on Google Video! (Minus the awesome re-issue soundtrack, unfortunately.)

2006-11-07T15:09:00.000-08:00

Wheel Of Time

2003
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring the Dalai Lama and his followers

Wheel Of Time captures the Buddhist Kalachakra initiations in Bodh Gaya, India. Literally hundreds of thousands of pilgrims congregate for the ceremonies, some by bus, many by foot. Meanwhile, monks work on the symbolic, sacred Mandala, an elaborate sand painting. This year, though, the Dalai Lama's sick and the initiations are postponed. Undeterred, many people continue their personal rituals and prayer. From the Mandala to the physical journey, the amount of spiritual commitment exhibited is astounding. Some wonderment is lost when people physically fight over some silly Dumpling Of Prosperity, but, nonetheless, it's a fascinating document of devotion and ritual.

2006-11-07T01:53:00.000-08:00

Fata Morgana

1971
Directed by Werner Herzog
Starring the Sahara Desert

Fata Morgana (mirage) was essentially created during editing. Werner Herzog putted through the Sahara Desert shooting footage without a planned narrative and later loosely formed the film around creation myths and his own fantastical writing. There are three constantly narrated acts (Creation, Paradise, The Golden Age) which are never visually synchronous with the storytelling. In other words, there's not much conventional plot. There is, however, some excellent, haunting footage of deserted landscapes, mirages, and anomalous natural formations. It's very interesting to watch, but radiates a "glorified travelogue" vibe considering the lack of concrete substance. Not strongly recommended, but alluringly unconventional.

2006-11-06T14:26:00.000-08:00

Bubba Ho-Tep

2002
Directed by Don Coscarelli
Starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis

Bubba Ho-Tep is a strange amalgamation of elements. It features Elvis residing in a nursing home along with a black man who claims he's President Kennedy literally dyed brown. Topping things off is an ancient Egyptian, reanimated mummy wandering around, devouring the souls of whomever it encounters. Elvis and JFK must join forces to destroy it, walkers in hand. Clearly, absurdist humor is extremely important to the movie. From Elvis' penile cancer to a mummy donning a cowboy outfit, it's quite the silly affair. The humor's inconsistent and story light, but the light-hearted, goofy blend is nearly impossible to dislike.

2006-11-04T14:35:00.000-08:00

American Movie

1999
Directed by Chris Smith
Starring Mark Borchardt and Mike Schank

Mark Borchardt, in many ways a modern Ed Wood, has a burning desire to make a movie. A desire which greatly eclipses his means. American Movie documents his struggle to create his homemade horror movie Coven. He doesn't have much experience or money and delivers newspapers for a living in Minnesota; his odds are not favorable. Throughout the movie, he begs his uncle for funds, avoids bills, and provides many skewed nuggets of wisdom. Mark isn't stupid, but, along with his fried friend Mike, seems delusional. Whatever the diagnosis, it provides entertainment, many laughs, and an unexpected source of inspiration.

2006-11-02T01:45:00.000-08:00

Children Underground

2001
Directed by Edet Belzberg
Starring Cristina Ionescu, Mihai Tudose, Ana Turturica

Children Underground documents the aftermath of communist Romania outlawing contraception: a multitude of homeless kids. Living in the subway system of Bucharest, filthy, forgotten children beg for food, huff paint, and sleep on cardboard. The conditions are pretty stirring and, thankfully, the documentary doesn't beg for sympathy. The children (orphans, runaways, castaways) are observed as they go about their day and interviewed about their varied pasts. Everyone has a story worth telling and it's amazing to watch them try to squeeze some childhood out of streetlife. The documentary doesn't ask a lot of questions, but the incredible circumstances easily compensate.

Drinking game: Take a shot every time you say, "Wait, that's a girl?!"

2006-10-30T17:30:00.000-08:00

Slither

2006
Directed by James Gunn
Starring Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Rooker

Slither, an updated take on Shivers sprinkled with typical B-movie signatures, humorously pits humans against parasitic alien slugs. Grant Grant (seriously) becomes infected in the woods and spreads the parasite to the townsfolk, who inherit his thoughts and desires and chase after his wife. The tone is never too serious, but the movie probably would have benefited from it. I generally dislike lowbrow humor within horror films, and Slither is never quite funny nor scary enough to justify the combination. The special effects and make-up are adequate and gracefully over-the-top, but, be warned, the trailers featured nearly every memorable scene.

2006-10-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

Nacho Libre

2006
Directed by Jared Hess
Starring Jack Black, Hector Jimenez, Ana De La Reguera

Nacho Libre, Jared Hess' second failed attempt at being funny, repeats the flaws of Napoleon Dynamite: there's too much emphasis on off-beat characters and not enough humor found in the actual writing. The story is the same old underdog tale of inspiration that's been told to death. Ignacio, a monastery cook, secretly pursues his wrestling fantasy to help his precious orphans. Somehow, the main wrestling matches aren't particularly entertaining, just the same material with different opponents. Jack Black tries his inconsistent damndest, but there isn't enough latent humor in the material. So, in conclusion, it's as retarded as it seems.